Hi and thanks for visiting my site. Here we will discuss the issue of your baby or toddler sleeping in mum and dads bed, and not willing to go to theirs. Or it could be that your little one will sleep in their own room, but only if someone is sleeping next to them. Sound familiar? Well if so then read on.
We will look at some methods for how to get your child to sleep in their own bed, and out of yours. Don’t despair, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Patience and consistency will be so important, but it absolutely can be done.
So how did you end up with your baby or toddler in your bed in the first place? After all your baby was sleeping in his or her cot bed before right? So what happened? Well the chances are something broke the routine they were in. I know from experience with my own son, when he travelled with us on holiday to Thailand to visit my in laws, he was at the time used to sleeping in his nice soft cot bed.
But even though bought him a travel cot, and tried making him up his own bed in the same room as my wife and I, he was having none of it. He was a little over 2 years old at the time. And after the long flight and his incessant crying from being in a strange environment, my wife and I relented. In our bed he came. And apart from the odd night here or there when he slept in my mother in laws room with her, he would sleep in our bed each nigh.
As you can imagine, a month of a new routine got imprinted upon him. So when we got home he still wanted to be in our bed with mum and dad, and refused to sleep in his own bed. Don’t get me wrong, day time naps was a different story and when we put him down during the day, he would have a bit of a cry and doze off. But when it came to nighttime, he was having none of it.
Now we really should have dealt with this issue promptly. But you know it’s nice to be close to your child too. You tell yourself you will get him to sleep in his own bed tomorrow night. And the same goes for your little one. As they get older and advance to toddlers, they become in some ways more independent.
But they also become more strong willed, and if they want to be extra clingy to mum and dad, then you have problems the longer you let them have their own way. It’s also not good for any relationship for your child to be in with you, after all you need your own space and privacy too right? It’s in everyone’s best interest to get your child sleeping back in their own bed as soon as possible.
First off accept, this situation won’t resolve itself in a day. It will take time to break and embed a new routine. If your child is a toddler you can try gently explaining and coaxing them back into their own beds by lying next to them and reading them a story. Wait until they become tired and then give them a cuddle and when they fall asleep, leave them there and go back to your own bed. This is ideal if they also are sleeping in their own room too.
If your little one is younger, under 1 year old, you can try to let them sleep with you after their last feed, wait until they fall asleep and then gently lift them up and put them in their own bed. Be aware that if they are a baby, them sleeping in your bed with you is not the safest option either as it can increase the risk of cot death. A safe sleeping baby is a baby that’s sleeping in their own bed or cot on their back.
But I digress. Another thing to remember here is that your the parent, you need to be the ones that set the boundaries, not your child. Be firm in your resolve. Keep trying to get your child used to at least waking up in their own bed and eventually they will become far easier to put down in their on own bed.
Also, when you do put your little one in their own bed again, the chances are they will wake up in the night at some point and realise your not there. When this happens and they are crying or come into your room. Be gentle and reassuring. Take them back to their bed and perhaps lay next to them for a while until they fall asleep again. This is easier said than done because at 3am in the morning the temptation is to just let them creep back in with you and all go to sleep. Trust me I’ve been there and done it!
Of course there will be times to make an exception to this. Now and again, your little one will just have a bad dream or feel sickly and will just need to be close to mum and dad. This is fine as long as it is only here and there. We are talking about routines, and whichever routine your child gets into, is what will dictate if you have a decent nights sleep yourself and also if you want to have any privacy as couple too. The choice is yours, remember your the parent. Set your boundaries, be patient, but be really consistent too. Trust me it will pay off in the long run.
So to sum up, it’s an easy trap to fall into, but if you allow your baby or toddler to become used to only sleeping with you, it can be really detrimental to your own relationship, as well as their development. Keep to a habit and try to be disciplined. Also, if you can, try not to break the routine, kids this young need boundaries and will follow the patterns and routines they feel comfortable with. I hope this article helped and that you will also take a look at other articles I’ve written.
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Many thanks again for visiting,